Keeping a journal is one of the most essential, often overlooked, and useful tools that the submissive has at her disposal. While keeping a journal can be a good way to write down your memories, to help you remember events or ideas, It’s real power comes in that it is actually an evolving blueprint that helps people become better at what they do. Interestingly, there is a fair bit of sound scientific research behind the benefits of journaling from universities as prestigious as Harvard, Stanford and Cambridge as well as a number of the leading psychological journals. Studies have found that the benefits of regular journaling include increases in performance, improvements in psychological and physical health, clearer thinking and communication, decreases in emotional stress, improved sleep, and much more. To this end I consider the submissive journal to be a vital part of the submissives life and training and I require it of my subs.
The journal, as I teach it, is a combination of things: it is a diary, a safe place to vent, a way to track punishments and corrections, a way to track rules, and a way to write about fantasies and ideas. I would prefer a sub to journal on a daily basis, but it often just isn’t practical. As a bare minimum however, I do expect 2-3 entries per week.
The first and most important thing that we need to consider is that the journal must be a safe space for the submissive. This means that she has to be able to write anything without fear of reprisal or punishment. If she needs to vent, she has to be able to and feel safe about it. The submissive has to be able to write openly and honestly in order for the journal to be of any benefit. As her Dominant, I am 100% not allowed to be upset about what she writes in her journal, I cannot punish or hold her accountable for her thoughts and ideas that she writes down. If, as her Dominant, you cannot do this, than stay out of her journal. Furthermore, never write in her journal, it’s hers.
Now, I do believe that as her Dominant I have a right and responsibility to look at her journal on a regular basis. First, I must insure that she is writing as she is supposed to. Second, I want to work through any issues that come up and she is writing about. Particularly, I am concerned about any issues that she might see in my role as Dominant that I need to rectify in myself. But any other issues or concerns that she writes about I want to address and help her with. One really good idea that I took from the Dom Sub Living webpage is to not address issues with the submissive straight out of her journal. Rather, talk about your concerns indirectly as this further reinforces the idea that the journal is a safe space.
So, now that we’ve covered a bit of introduction, how does the submissive get started? First, the submissive needs to find out what format her Dominant wishes her to use. Journals can be online, they can be in apps, office documents or on paper. Personally, I prefer the use of paper journals. I think the act of physically writing is more personal and I can often see my subs emotions reflected in her handwriting. Also, I really enjoy having her kneel and hand me the journal with both hands when I ask her to present it to me. I also consider it my responsibility as the Dominant to provide my submissive her journals to write in.
The second thing the submissive needs to do is talk to her Dominant and determine exactly what He wants to have her include. The list may really vary as each Dominant is different. Some may be very lenient and allow the submissive completely free reign. Others, like myself are more structured. All entries must be dated and multiple entries in a day should include the time as well. My list of requirements includes:
- Rules. The submissive is to write down in a journal every rule she is required to follow, highlight the rule so they are easy to find as she looks through the book. They may also be kept in a separate part of the journal at the submissives discretion. Every time she takes on a new rule, she will write down the rule to help her remember it. I expect her to write about any problems she has with the rules, any ways that she can take on the rule to make it more personal to her, her thoughts and reflections on the rule, why the rule is good for her, and so on. In addition, if she has ideas for rules that she wishes her Dominant to enact, she is to record them and her ideas about the rule and present it to her Dominant.
- Punishments and corrections. The submissive will write in her journal every time she is punished or corrected about her actions or breaking a rule. She will write down what she did wrong, what the punishment was, what she can do to correct her behavior, and her thoughts on the issue. Did she agree or disagree with the punishment or correction? Did she think she did something wrong to begin with? Did she forget or not understand a rule? Was the punishment fair? And so on.
- Scene Reflections. Every time the submissive has a formal BDSM scene with her Dominant, she is to write a review of the scene afterwords. She is to write about what she liked and did not like. Did she have any issues, concerns, scares (even if she did not safeword)? Was there anything that she like or wanted more of? What could be done to make the same scene better in the future.
- Safewords. Anytime, without exception, that the submissive has to use a safeword (yellow or red) she must write about what happened. Was a hard limit or boundary crossed? Did the Dominant do something that was not agreed on? Did the Dominant make a mistake, cause injury, etc.? Was there a physical health issue or mental fear that crept up? It’s very important to write this one out and determine exactly what happened so that the Dominant can work on this in the future (even though it should have been talked out immediately, writing sometimes helps to bring out more information).
- Submissive reflections. At least one entry per week is to be a personal or ‘reflective’ type of entry where the submissive writes about her role as a submissive, her thoughts, her fears or concerns. What she likes, does not like, what she wants going forward, things she wants to improve in herself, things she thinks the Dominant could improve, anything along those lines.
- BDSM Fantasies. The submissive will write down any fantasies or ideas she has for future BDSM scenes, for any sexual fantasies she would like to consider, for any new things she wants to try or changes to her hard limits or boundaries.
- Anything else. The submissive should feel free to write anything else as she wishes. This is where we push the journal beyond the D/s relationship and the submissive should write about issues outside of her relationship with her Dominant. She can write about work, her friends and family, things she wants to do or dreams about, her career or educational aspirations, maybe write about a book she particularly enjoyed (or didn’t) and so on. Anything that she wants or feels the need to write about is fair game.
As she writes, I will occasionally review her journal. I want to see that she is writing as she is supposed to. I want to keep an eye out for any issues that I might need to address as her Dominant (especially to see if she notices me doing anything that I can improve on). I generally only look at her journal every couple of weeks, though I know where she keeps it at all times and will peruse as I see fit. When I ask her to present it to me, she does so on her knees, handing me the book, and stays on her knees, often with her head resting on my lap while I read it.
I really encourage all Dominants to require their submissives to keep some form of journal. It really is a very useful tool and can be a great way to improve a submissive’s training.